Nute Gunray Goes On The Price is Right
by Cerasi J
Summary: Read the title!


Title: Nute Gunray Goes on "The Price is Right"  
Author: Cerasi J.  
Summary: Read the title!  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I sooooo love to make Nute Gunray do stupid things, but, alas, I don't own him and I never will   
George the Mighty King of all Sci-Fi does. All money goes to him. I don't own Pinky and the Brain either, NARF! Oh yeah, I don't own the X-Box thingie either, that was my brother's suggestion, thanks Gaven!! ^_^;;  
  
  
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Setting: Burbank, California.   
  
"Nuuuuuuuuttttttteeeeeeeeeee Guuuuunnnnnnraaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy! You're the next contestant on the Price is Right!"  
Nute Gunray, recently fired from the Star Wars movies, stumbled down the aisle, drunk as he usually was. He tripped and fell, the audience laughed, Nute turned towards them swearing loudly and shaking his fist, then spun around and continued his trek to the Contestant's Row.   
Two small white rodents trailed closely behind Nute, one short and fat with a huge head, and the other tall and skinny, sort of dumb looking. Finally, Nute completed his journey to the front of the stage.   
The host, Bob Barker, smiled warmly at the camera. "Good morning! I'm your host Bob Barker, let's meet our contestants!"   
The first contestant was a rather large woman with a name-tag that read "Martha." Standing next to her was a skinny, balding man, who looked to be in his mid 40's, his name-tag read "Bob."   
Next to Bob was a sort of punky-looking kid that reminded Nute of Kurt Cobain, his name-tag read, "Kurt."   
Then there was Nute; his grey-ish alien skin and wide set, orange eyes set him out from the rest. The large headed mouse leaned over and whispered into Nute's ear about his plans for world domination, Nute looked at the rodent and said, "Eh, that's my bad ear."  
The mouse looked annoyed and jumped across Nute's shoulders and whispered in his other ear. "No.... wait, that one is my bad ear." Now the mouse was really annoyed. All the while, his comrade was watching Bob Barker on the stage with wild fascination.  
"Pinky!" The fat headed mouse called, "Now it's time for our plan! Come Pinky!"   
The little mouse looked disappointed, "But Brain.... (NARF!) I was just watchin' a real telly-vision show... (NARF!)"  
Bob Barker turned to the contestants, "Now let's look at our first item up for bids!"  
A room on the other side of the stage turned to reveal a skimpy dressed model displaying a video game system called "X-Box," Rod Roddey gave a running commentary. Mr. Barker turned to Martha, "What's your first bid?" He asked her, her face turned red and she started sweating heavily, the audience shouted their idea of what the item cost.   
"Uh... um... One thousand, five hundred dollars!!" She screeched above the noise of the crowd. Most of the college students and teenagers in the audience laughed.  
The number of her bid appeared on the screen. "Bob," Mr. Barker continued, "What's your bid?"   
Bob, unlike Martha, didn't sweat and freak out; he just turned pale and looked faint. "Uh... well Bob..." He was about to lie and say his son had one at home, but to be truthful he was a forty-one year old virgin from San Fransico who was still living with his parents. "Uh, well Bob.... Uh.... Seven hundred, forty-one dollars!!"   
Mr. Barker rolled his eyes, "Kurt!" he said, exasperated.   
"Yah?" Came the stoned sounding response, "Whaddya what?"   
"I want you to bid on the X-Box."  
"Oh... Yah... Okay, sure. Uh, twenty-five bucks."  
"Twenty-five? Is that all? Are you sure?"   
"Final answer, Regis."  
Mr. Barker rolled his eyes again, "Wrong show, you idiot." The audience laughed, and the number "25" lit up on Kurt's screen.  
"Nute, can I have your bid please?"  
Brain, the large headed mouse was still whispering in Nute's ear, Pinky sat on stage, still watching Bob Barker with wonder. "Uh..." Nute started, Brain whispered more. "Will you stop your damn whispering, mouse?! I can't think!!"   
In a fury Nute grabbed Brain from the perch on his shoulder, squeezing him tight he yelled, "All right mouse! You want some?? Do you?? Do you f***ing want some? DO YOU!?!"   
Before he let Brain answer, he pulled a Rubbermaid tub from his pocket, and locked both Pinky and Brain inside. He then turned back to Bob Barker, "My bid is $200.00, Bob."   
Bob gave the camera a look that showed he was truly scared, "The actual retail price is..." He pulled the card from his pocket and cringed as he read it, "$201.00!"  
The audiance members cheered, and Nute just stood there. Someone off camera poked Nute in the side, telling him to go on stage. Nute offered the man an obscene gesture.   
Nute climbed on stage and stood there next to Bob Barker. Bob put his hand on Nute's shoulder, "Welcome aboard! Wait'll you see this next item up for bids!"  
Nute looked at Bob Barker; "If you don't take your hands off me I will see to it that spend the rest of your life in hell." He leaned close to Bob and whispered, "A.K.A Hillary Clinton's house."   
Bob removed his hand from Nute's shoulder as some doors opened revealing a new Ford Mustang; Rod Roddey gave a discription of the car. Bob said, "The game we are playing is called Lucky Seven's, you have to guess the seven numbers in this car," He handed Nute seven American one-dollar bills, "For every number you get wrong you give me one dollar, any questions?"   
"Yes, actually, do I get the young female standing beside the car?"   
The camera then panned to the Barker's Beauty named Ashley, standing by the car, looking unsure. Bob laughed and patted Nute on the shoulder, "Ha ha ha! No."  
Nute looked disapointed, "Why not?"   
Now Bob Barker looked totally annoyed, through clenched teeth he said, "Because... the model is NOT part of your prize!"  
"Oh. All right."  
"Now," Bob said, his teeth still clenched, "Pick a number!"  
"Uh... five."  
Mr. Barker pointed at doors with his cue cards, as if they were a magic wand. "Show us a five!"  
The doors opened to reveal the number five. The audience screamed and cheered, Nute cocked his head to the side, looking confused. "Now what happens?" He asked Bob.   
"You pick another number."  
"Oh... all right, I pick..." At that moment, Pinky and Brain leaped from Nute's pocket and fled across the stage. "We must hurry Pinky! The time for world domination is now!" Brain started to laugh evily, Nute sprang forward and grabbed both little mice, "HA!! Thought you could get away, eh?!" He pulled the Rubbermaid tube from his pocket, and locked both mice inside again.  
He took his place by Barker's side and said, "The number... eight!"  
Bob Barker used his Magic Cue Cards again, and said, "Show us eight!" The second door moved back to reveal the number... eight. Nute screamed and jumped around the stage like his manhood was in a ringer washer. "I WIN! I WIN!"  
Barker rolled his eyes again at Nute, "No stupid, you just got the second number in the car right."  
"Oh..." Nute frowned, "You mean... there are more numbers?"   
Bob sighed, "Yes, there are five more..."  
It went on and on like that for the next five numbers, (which Nute got all right), at the last number Nute said, "Four! C'MON BABY!! SHOW DADDY THE NEW FORD MUSTANG!!! FOUR!!!"   
The door opened to reveal... (Hell, I thought I all ready told you he won!), the number four.  
Nute freaked out, jumping around the stage screaming, "I WON!!! I WON!! DADDY GETS A NEW SET OF WHEELS BAY-BEE!!! YEAH!!"  
  
  
  
  
Nute ran off the stage, screaming about his win. Bob Barker stepped up to the camera, smiled and said, "We'll be back right after this break."  
15 minutes later, three contestants were standing together at the base of the Big Wheel, Nute, Bob the bald guy, and a new woman named Marsha, who, during the break was telling Nute about her pet three-legged moose named Fluffy-Muffins, back home in Minnesooootttaaa.   
Bob Barker looked at the camera and said, "Welcome back to The Price is Right, it's time to spin the Big Wheel, and see who will go to today's Showcase Showdown!"  
The audience members cheered. Bob the bald guy was the first to spin; he stepped up to the wheel, and meekly gave it a turn. It didn't even make it around once. "Oh c'mon!!!" Nute yelled, "My grandmother could give it a better spin than THAT! AND SHE'S DEAD!!"  
Bob the bald guy sniffled, and wiped his eyes. By this time the wheel had stopped on ".25" Bob Barker stepped forward, "Twenty-five cents, please step over there, you need .75 cents for a win."  
Next, it was Marsha's turn, she stepped up to wheel and screamed, "THIS IS FOR YOU FLUFFY-MUFFINS!!!" She pulled on one of the handles, and gave it a monster spin. It landed on ".75" She jumped around yelling how much she loved her pet moose. This total beat out Bob the bald guy, who exited stage left, crying like a ten-year-old girl.  
Marsha took Bob's place under the light that said her score. Now it was Nute's turn. He stepped up to the wheel, pulled hard and it spun. It landed on... "1.00," giving Nute the win. He stuck his tongue out at Marsha's back as she walked away. "AND THIS IS FOR YOUR FLUFFY-MUFFINS!!!" He yelled at her, then he offered her another obscene gesture.  
Bob Barker put his hand on Nute's shoulder again, "Looks like you're off to the Showcase Showdown!"  
Nute looked at Bob, "Yer damn right I am! I didn't come all the way from Naboo for nuffin'!"  
Bob now looked totally in fear of his life, he looked at the camera again, "We'll be right back."  
  
  
And now for something completely different.  
  
  
*A lone sheep is gazing in a lush green field someplace in Northern Ireland, it looks up from the patch of grass it's munching on, and, seeing no one, it grows wings and starts to fly around, it flies over the farmers house, and there you see a gun pointed out the window. ::BANG!!:: With one shot, the graceful flying sheep is no more. A Barker's Beauty pulls a curtain, and the reader is warped back to The Price is Right.*  
  
  
"Welcome back! It's time for our Showcase Showdown! With our contestants Nute and Mary-Ann!" Nute was so annoyed with Rod Roddey, he wished he had the farmer's gun.  
  
Bob Barker smiled and said, "Well, this are the best contestants of the game... God help us all. Mary-Ann, this is your Showcase!"  
  
As Mary-Ann's Showcase played out, Nute looked at her. She was a redhead, with freckles, coke-bottle glasses, and large teeth that stuck out, she was also one of those weird-os that wore the "I Luv U, Bob!" shirts. In the end, Mary-Ann's Showcase was a trip to Jamaica, a new boat, and a set of braces.   
  
"Mary-Ann," Barker said, "What would you like to bid?"   
"Uh...." She pushed up her glasses and snorted, "Twenty thousand, Bob!"  
He nodded, and the number "20,000" lit up on her screen. "Nute!" He said, "Here is your Showcase!"  
  
  
  
Nute watched, very bored. In the end, he got a trip to Hong Kong, the whole set of the "Windows for Dummies" books, and a new living room set.   
"Nute, what is your bid?"  
"Well, Bob, personally I wouldn't waste my money on such stupid items, but my bid will be... 10,500."   
The number "10,500" lit up on Nute's screen, Barker said, "We'll be right back."  
  
  
  
And now for something completely different.  
  
  
*The sheep in the field in Northern Ireland wakes up, grows new wings and starts to fly again, he swoops and dives over the lovely country-side, when, suddenly, a large cannon pops out from the side of the hill and blows the sheep out of the sky.*  
  
  
The camera pans to Bob Barker, who is writing something on the back of his cue cards, he holds it up to the camera and it reads, "Help me."  
Bob put down the cue cards and said, "And the actual retail price of Mary-Ann's Showcase is... fifty bucks. A difference of $19,950."  
He threw down the card and picked up another one, "The actual retail price of Nute's Showcase is... $10,499, a difference of one dollar, Nute is our winner!"  
Nute jumps around screaming and the camera turns to Bob and he says, "Help control the pet... aw, screw it, I've been sayin' this for the last 30-something years, you people get it by now."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
If you made it this far, I'm proud of you. 


End file.
